It's that time of year again -- when those of us in the U.S. must deal with numbered forms and lettered schedules. In this light, I wish to share a recent piece of correspondence:
Dear Dr. Robison:
After great difficulty (must your handwriting be so atrocious?) I have reviewed the accounts at your business enterprise. I regret to inform you that two of your accounts, with ATP Corp and NAD(P)H Ltd, are grossly out of balance. While you are running a deficit with the former and a surplus with the latter, as we have discussed previously these separate accounts cannot be merged. Your enterprise is doomed to failure (and I think it goes without saying that some sort of Madoffian scheme will not be countenanced by me). You must bring these into balance or your enterprise would fail, never mind the horror of trying to explain this in an audit.
I realize I am not qualified to comment on the technical aspects of your effort. However, may I suggest you get out of the lab more and get some fresh air? Perhaps some oxygen would stimulate your activity in a most productive way?
Colin Escherich, C.P.A.